Being who you are with family and friends is important. If we don't do that but put on an act, it's not only tiring, it's also dishonest. We are building relationships on a false self. However, we are often afraid at times to show who we are, warts and all, to even those we care for. Yet during my lifetime the people I've found the most compelling and attractive are those who were just being themselves. I've also felt very comfortable with them. Living an authentic life does mean we need to embrace and accept who we are and acknowledge it will change. If we are able to do this then we can move forward with more confidence in life as we are not pretending to anyone. This doesn't mean we are tactless towards others but say yes and no when we mean it. for example It also means if we really don't like something then we say so in a gentle but honest way. If people react to that remember all situations are neutral and it's the way we see them that gives them a positive or negative spin! This goes for other people as well. None of us can control other people in reality and nor should we try to as it's merely manipulation! I've had some scary conversations in my life with bosses and friends! When I look back the "monster" of a person was just as vulnerable as I was and most of it can be put down to my projection of who I thought they were and how I imagined they would react to my request! My grandfather used to say if you don't ask you don't get! It's something to bear in mind!
I always find it interesting how we all at some time or another blame our situations on other people, places or even things. It's as though we have no control at all on what we decide and how we live our lives or see them. It's also convenient to blame others whether it is countries, communities or our families, for things that happen to us rather than through us. It means we can stay in the "poor me" place and not take any responsibility at all. We don't have to own our own power.
I believe we only see outside ourselves what's within. That means we project our version of reality on to other people and groups. We can also project our reality on to other countries. Our reality was shaped by our upbringing, schooling, life experiences and some would say cell memory from our past lives. That means everyone is different. That's how it's meant to be. I do believe however there are collective experiences that happen to teach humanity. These may be about compassion or love and service to others. They may be agreed upon before birth and are usually huge lessons. We still have control on the way we see them. We can act rather than react, observe rather than try to change it. We can stand back and listen and not judge. We can then do what is possible if we want to or to walk away if that feels right. Often if we just listen to others rather than judge we will find that the things we saw are not accurate for them and what is needed is respect for difference.
Home is where the heart is so it is said. What do we mean by home however? Is it the trappings of physical life, our goods the things we accumulate along the way from our travels through life? We all need stability in life and somewhere to just be that is safe for us to let go and completely be ourselves. We all need some form of anchor to come back to as human beings even if we are restless and like to travel. I've always liked to travel and I remember a conversation in a cafe in Cyprus on home. What was said is travel is great and it's fun to explore but you take back what you learn and experience to your life at home. This nourishes and revitalizes us and those around. Simplistic maybe but it holds true for me. If we don't experience different things in life even if it's just ringing the changes in our home environment ,we get stale and this impacts on our lives and those of others. We start to expect all our needs to be met by the small group of people around us instead of gaining a wider perspective on life. Home is also within us, our soul self connected as it is to a greater power and purpose. We are never disconnected from this home source even if we sometimes feel fragmented. This in itself is comforting. Having somewhere to come back to within that is eternal and also a home in our physical reality keeps us grounded and focused. We can then face life challenges with more perspective and calm. If we are well grounded in our internal and external homes we can also make more balanced decisions. This helps us move with flow of life rather than fight it. It gives us more peace.
My grandmother had what was called a hand span waistline of 20 inches. That was the fashion then. She was healthy and lived to be 98 years of age.
As a child it never occurred to me to comment on anybody's size. It was considered rude in fact. Their size didn't define them but their actions did.
In our modern society there seems to be an obsession with size. You never seem to be good enough or reach what is basically an illusion of what the media see as perfection. The result is often a poor body image and low self-esteem. Whatever size you are isn't really the issue. Good health matters most. Your happiness too is important.The basics of eating a real food rather than a processed food diet, exercise, building high self-esteem and confidence is a more balanced way no matter what your size. If you are not happy with your shape and size and it's causing health problems then perhaps you need to consider a change. This really is up to you! No one can do it for you. Your body type will dictate to a certain extent your basic shape. A pear will always be a pear but can be well toned with exercise. You can make the best of how you are rather than long for impossible airbrushed illusions! Then you will find once you accept that changes happen naturally. When you change you may find other people are not so supportive especially if you achieve what they want to do but don't! Your health and happiness are more important than opinions however.
With our busy lives we often forget to listen to ourselves and to others. We are too busy doing things rather than being who we are. When we listen to how we feel we gain insights in to what we need to do, we go with the flow of life.We also understand if we are merely doing something out of habit or obligation rather than because we actually want to. Really listening to others can also release us from second guessing what they meant as we can ask them at the time. This can save a lot of misunderstandings that spoil relationships. Listening involves taking time with the person, reflecting and giving feedback on what you think you heard to confirm if it's correct. At times we may hear one thing but in fact it wasn't meant that way at all. We all hear through our own filter of reality which the other person may not share. We all have our version of events in life which are true for us as they have been shaped by what has happened to us from birth to the present time. Life is a tapestry of events and people. The beauty is in the differences as we learn so much from them. Listening helps us to understand these differences, accept them and move on.
Ankhra Laan-Ra. Glasgow based Well-being and Fitness Coach.