Being who you are with family and friends is important. If we don't do that but put on an act, it's not only tiring, it's also dishonest. We are building relationships on a false self. However, we are often afraid at times to show who we are, warts and all, to even those we care for. Yet during my lifetime the people I've found the most compelling and attractive are those who were just being themselves. I've also felt very comfortable with them. Living an authentic life does mean we need to embrace and accept who we are and acknowledge it will change. If we are able to do this then we can move forward with more confidence in life as we are not pretending to anyone. This doesn't mean we are tactless towards others but say yes and no when we mean it. for example It also means if we really don't like something then we say so in a gentle but honest way. If people react to that remember all situations are neutral and it's the way we see them that gives them a positive or negative spin! This goes for other people as well. None of us can control other people in reality and nor should we try to as it's merely manipulation! I've had some scary conversations in my life with bosses and friends! When I look back the "monster" of a person was just as vulnerable as I was and most of it can be put down to my projection of who I thought they were and how I imagined they would react to my request! My grandfather used to say if you don't ask you don't get! It's something to bear in mind!
I always find it interesting how we all at some time or another blame our situations on other people, places or even things. It's as though we have no control at all on what we decide and how we live our lives or see them. It's also convenient to blame others whether it is countries, communities or our families, for things that happen to us rather than through us. It means we can stay in the "poor me" place and not take any responsibility at all. We don't have to own our own power.
I believe we only see outside ourselves what's within. That means we project our version of reality on to other people and groups. We can also project our reality on to other countries. Our reality was shaped by our upbringing, schooling, life experiences and some would say cell memory from our past lives. That means everyone is different. That's how it's meant to be. I do believe however there are collective experiences that happen to teach humanity. These may be about compassion or love and service to others. They may be agreed upon before birth and are usually huge lessons. We still have control on the way we see them. We can act rather than react, observe rather than try to change it. We can stand back and listen and not judge. We can then do what is possible if we want to or to walk away if that feels right. Often if we just listen to others rather than judge we will find that the things we saw are not accurate for them and what is needed is respect for difference.
We all have a family of origin, the one we were born in to. However, we all have places and people who provide a feeling of belonging for us. This can be our local community, our clubs, our friends, our partner's family and friends and places we feel at home in that we visit. If we have no family of origin anymore because they have passed over perhaps, then families of choice become more essential for our well-being. The things you regularly go to, the places you visit and the people you interact with become more important in your life. This can mean we need to be discerning who and what we do as it's based on choice. It can mean we may have to make decisions to move on when a situation becomes unhealthy for us or doesn't support our happiness and life path. We can, nevertheless, get rich rewards from reaching out to embrace more situations and people in our life outwith a family of origin. This can promote growth and learning as more people and situations give us opportunities.
Ankhra Laan-Ra. Glasgow based Well-being and Fitness Coach.